Winning Over Disappointment …

What is the one major thing that causes the most frustration in your life?

The thing I hear most from people I talk with is that disappointments in life are so stressful and frustrating. The reason we experience disappointment is because we have certain expectations in place and when things, inevitably, don’t turn out as we expect, we experience disappointment. Managing expectations can be a major stress reducer.We decide what other people should do, what our lives should be like, how other drivers should think and act … we bank on the fact that other people will provide us with a command performance.
This is a fantasy world, void of reality.  And when reality doesn’t mesh with the world we’ve created in our heads, of the way things ‘should’ be, we wish everyone and everything were different. We feel discontented, frustrated, angry and disappointed. Add entitled to the mix and the adrenaline levels are elevated high enough to keep us in danger of serious health consequences.

Here’s a simple wisdom tip for winning over disappointment:

Reflect on all the expectations you have for yourself, your life, your spouse, your kids, your coworkers, your job, the world. Embrace them and, then, toss them. Let them go.  Think about the little song we sang as children, “Row, row, row, your boat gently down the stream, merrily, merrily, merrily life is but a dream”.  In order to have life to be as we might hope or dream, we need to relinquish things we cannot control – other people, their choices and their circumstances.

We are then able to navigate life more peacefully or merrily.  When we allow our life to include only minimal expectations, we are able to accept reality as it is, without trying to force people into the boxes we think they would best fit in. We allow ourselves to see things as they are. Amazingly, life seems to work out best for those who make the best out of the way things work out.

We are able to have more of a positive influence if we avoid having expectations of how others will or should respond to our choices.  It is sort of like dancing as though no one is watching. When we live and do and be based on what we think others will think or say or approve of, we gradually move ourselves into a place of expecting our significance to come from other people. They can’t provide that for us.

Significance comes from recognizing that we can live a life of meaning and purpose by reaching beyond ourselves to be a part of something bigger without expecting praise or appreciation. Simply doing and accomplishing something that is worthwhile is the highest level of growing our feelings of self-worth. If we become dependent on others’ approval, we may miss the enjoyment of the task we accomplished, because we subject ourselves to view ourselves through the eyes of someone else and what they think. And, what if that person is having a bad day? I’m just saying …

Release the expectations of reward and praise. Find fulfillment in the doing the things that you value. Do good because you love doing good, and expect nothing beyond that. Pay attention to the thoughts you entertain. Your thoughts will rule your life and you will enjoy or limit yourself accordingly.

Don’t beat yourself up if you have expectations.  Pay attention if you start to wish things weren’t the way they are or that someone else would do something the way you would recommend.  Accept things as they are, if there’s anything you can impact in a positive way, go for it! And then, move on. In time, everything eventually works out.

Learn to travel light (free of expectations that are dependent on the actions of another) in a world that is already wonderful without us painting it they way we think it should be.

The life you impact most, may be your own 🙂

Sheri Geyer is a Christian Life Coach, Mentor, Writer, Wife & Mom

One thought on “Winning Over Disappointment …

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